That Was A Cluster...

Not a peanut cluster either. Yikes. Tonight, for me for you, that was not a great performance show. Performances ranged from terrible to good paint-by-the numbers approachs. Also, I am awarding myself a gold star for correctly predicting a plethora of hair flowers (or some variation thereof) and inserting that clause in the drinking game. Each additional drink was welcome, that's for sure.

As usual, from worst to first...

12) Paige Miles

I felt bad for the poor girl, having to go first after getting no screen time. The judges might as well boot you right out the door. They softened the blow, though, by overly praising her attempt at "All Right Now." Personally, I didn't think it was interesting, and I thought she sounded off and looked terrified throughout. Pass.

11) Lacey Brown

The rankings at this point really are just a toss-up, but it'll suffice to say I did not enjoy this performance at all. When I heard her song choice I sat up on the couch - I love Fleetwood Mac! - and I had liked what I heard from her before. But after a pretty decent 10 seconds she pushed the vocals into places that were not good, or even compatible with the song. Landslide is one of the ultimate more-is-less songs, so why try to make it more! Not a fan.

10) Haeley Vaughn

Ooh, I forgot about her for a second. Which, really, is a complement coming from me. I thought her song choice, though admittedly a very young song, was a bad idea. That's not really a song that can be reinterpreted, or so I thought. I'll play nicely and say the smooth jazz rearrangement and, er, interesting changes to the melody did not play in my living room. Also, don't play guitar if you're going to mix it so far down it's almost inaudible. Unfortunately, I think we're going to be stuck with her for a while. (Side note: who thought putting 3 Beatles songs in a row was a bright idea? Additional side note: I'm adding "You're only 16!" to the drinking game. It was an egregious omission, and I apologize). Oh, and before I forget - offering your child rewards, such as piercings, for success on a reality show may be a parenting strategy that should be reconsidered. And she looked like Siobhan dressed her. Oh snap!

9) Ashley Rodriguez

No Leona Lewis songs! That song is garbage!

Now that I got that out... I mostly agreed with Kara (what?) that the problem is despite her talent, she doesn't bring anything other than a good voice to the competition. Basically, she's boring as hell, but they always need a big-voiced diva, so they put a bunch through hoping one of them would stick. Anyway. Not a whole lot ot say about this performance.

8) Janell Wheeler

I still like Janell a lot because there is some appealing grit in her tone at times, and because she kind of seems like a lost puppy that I should adopt, but this was not the right song for her. At first I thought she was going to do the whole thing strictly acoustically, which would have been pretty neat, but alas, it was not to be. So, yeah, it wasn't awful or anything, but I think she'll fair much better taking on artists who aren't notorious for full-on rock wailing. Also, this girl has some serious legs! I'm totally jealous. What's your workout routine, Janell?

7) Katie Stevens

From the moment the girls lined up and I realized she was singing last I knew all my worst fears were confirmed - she is totally gonna be the Femchuleta. We will never get rid of this girl, I fear. Then they announced that she was singing "Feeling Good," by Michael Buble, which, just, no. It's not by Michael Buble. I'm sure they did that for the categories, but really the song is from a musical, so let's just give credit where credit is due, mmkay? Much to my chagrin, I actually really enjoyed the first verse of the song, but then the chorus hit and from that point it was totally overbaked, and basically I just don't need some jazz singing 17-year-old producer favorite contestant, so whatever.

6) Michelle Delamor

Michelle is the lucky winner of the belting diva sweepstakes, which simply means she is most likely to advance and take that spot in the Top 12, certainly not a bad deal if you can get it. Her cover of Alicia Keys demonstrated a very good voice, and also that nobody sounds as good as Alicia. That little a capella opening vocal riff just never sounds as good as when Alicia does it. Also, Michelle seemed intent on making me drink a lot, as she went for the glory note, sang a song that has been done to death, and was complemented on her looks. Maybe that's why I agreed with Kara's comments on her!

It was also at this point where I realized Simon has assumed Paula's role of commenting on everyone's outfits. What the hell is that about? Oh, and can we stop using euphemisms like "commercial look." We all know commercial look = conventionally pretty. Just come out and say it, I promise my plaid shirts and I won't be offended.

5) Siobhan Magnus

I just kind of like this girl, and I can't tell you why. She's kind of kooky, plus she's hard-core about her glassblowing. I don't know. Don't ask me to put my finger on it. She made some major improvements in the outfit department tonight though! I give her massive props for picking a song that isn't overdone or simply a glory note-fest, and also for stepping totally inside the song. She did seem to believe what she was singing like no one else did. I hope she sticks around, I want to see more from her.

Mini-rant: why does any female contestant under about 25 get chastised for singing songs that are too "dark?" Trust me, youth itself is not the same as sunshine and rainbows. As any one who knew me my sophomore year (either one, really, pick your poison) can attest, you can have some "dark" moments in your life before 25. Or 20.

4) Katelyn Epperly

Unfortunately, I think she's not going to last terribly long, because I don't think her personality is going to play with the American public, which is too bad, because I enjoyed her performance. I just flat out love that song, and I thought she did a nice job, although I agree with the judges on her looks. The make-over was not her best idea. Although in her interview package, she was rockin' the same hair as my old roommate Lindsey, which was pretty badass. But anyway, going back to judge idiocy - have any of them ever heard the original version of "Oh! Darling"? Because Paul McCartney is literally screaming in the chorus (consult Youtube if you don't believe me). So the criticism about her pushing her vocals just seemed bizarre to me, although I'm probably outside the target viewer here - I much prefer it when people strain their voices and attempt to do something cool and original then simply sing prettily along. So, if it's any consolation Katelyn, I got what you were trying to do. Oh, and Kara dropping a bitch on live television? Naughty! But sadly for poor Katelyn I think that's really just going to end up hurting her, so if you get voted out, totally call her a bitch on television!

3) Lilly Allen

I think it's safe to say she is skyrocketing up my list of favorite girls. I really enjoyed her interpretation of "Fixing A Hole," thought it was the only semi-original thing I heard all night, and always wonder about the judges' musical knowledge. I mean, yes, this isn't "Yesterday," but it is definitely a song they should be familiar with. Anyway. I hope they don't knock her for sticking to the kind of music she obviously enjoys and is good at singing, because unlike them, I don't think having an artistic identity is a bad thing. Also, I totally think Lilly would be the most fun out of all the girls to go get a drink with. That counts for something in my book.

Oh, and not to take away from her, but I know lots of people that could be considered to be "living out of their car," and will probably be counting myself among them in a few months. I'm not sure if this says more about me or her...

Lastly, I'm still mystified by her hair color, but I'm fairly confident it's close to the shade a unicorn would be. That is, if they existed (other than in Kara DioGuardi penned songs).

2) Bow-er-sox

I did think the Bowersox brought it tonight, and proved why she will be a serious contender this season. However. I don't love that song, and I didn't think she did anything super interesting with it, though I did love seeing the guitar/harmonica busted out this early in the competition. Also, not that I would expect anyone from Idol to know this, seeing as it would require actual musical knowledge, but they might want to avoid close-ups while harmonica playing is going on. I've seen some real spit-showers when people get going on those, and I'm guessing The Sox may not want a tight shot of her spraying the camera. Or, on the other hand, she might not give a shit. I do love the this-is-a-cheesy-TV-show-so-I'm-just-gonna-go-about-my-business-and-ignore-the-crap attitude. Watching group sings involving her and Lilly Scott should be immensely entertaining.

1) Didi Benami

Shocker, I know! It's not that I thought this was like the greatest thing I've ever seen, though I do respect her bold sartorial choice to snag a blanket from a hippie friend and turn it into a vest. During her performance, though, I did note that she sang on-pitch, had great stage presence and confidence, and actually picked a song that fit her, kind of like the judges had been criticizing every one else so not doing. Did she bring anything new to it? Not really, but she did an excellent job on a song that is contemporary and not overplayed. I had quite a few drinks due to confused disagreement with the judges on this performance. (I should mention this post is brought to you by the amazing Widmer Brothers Hefeweizen, the pride of Portland).

A couple of last thoughts: 1) I hated when they all walked toward the cameras and did the chicken dance style wave. Everyone looks like a fool when they wave like that. Why would you wave like that? 2) I hate when people use the word "ladies" in general (unless it's in the Demetri Martin sense), and thus I hated it when Ryan called it "ladies" night. The only time I was to hear some one use that term if it's $2-cougar-you-call-its. 3) I really liked Lilly's dress.

I think that's pretty much it. I apologize for any typos, I haven't re-read anything, but I will try and correct any errors tomorrow. Can't wait to hear what all of you think!